Tag Archives: paul reiser

Top 10 Things You Should Bring to a First Date

13 Feb

Czech or American, bring some cash, my dude!

Do Bring:

  1. A wallet. If you’re a guy, it should definitely be full of Andrew Jacksons. If you’re a girl, don’t bother filling it with money. In fact, you can bring an older pocketbook you no longer use, but you may need to make “the gesture,” and you don’t want to come to a military parade out of uniform. Of course, if the guy calls your bluff, make sure you have at least one credit card on hand.
  2. Decent clothes. Guys: It’s a tired cliche, but you only make a first impression once. You might be desperate, but a first date is no time to telegraph this. Dust off a nice shirt and clean your shoes, man! Not every girl is obsessed with style, but almost every girl will notice if you don’t
  3. Energy. Of course, it can be a nerve-wracking experience, but don’t be a wet blanket. Once you get past the pleasantries and tentative bullshit, a date should be fun. Even if the girl you’re meeting is not the size 2 hot mama her pictures suggested, or the guy you’re meeting is only 6 feet tall in Disco Stu platform shoes, don’t be a jerk. make the best of it and call it an early night if you have to, but don’t fall sullen when your unrealistic expectations aren’t met.
  4. Full head of hair/pride in your chrome dome. Though I’ve yet to part with my hair, I do wonder when it might happen. From conversations with women, hair is not as important as we men think. Sure, we don’t like to see our lush manes reduced to wiry sprouts, but girls want to see a man who’s self-assured, not one whose confidence is receding along with his hair line. Polish that cue ball and ditch the old baseball cap!
  5. Jokes. Everyone loves to laugh. Your date loves to laugh…and if she doesn’t, run, run, run. Humor is the single best weapon a man has in the absence of obvious looks/height/status/power/affluence/charm/charisma. Catching a girl’s ear can be just as big as catching her eye. If you’re not a natural Paul Reiser or Carrot Top, it’s OK to bring a couple of boilerplate “seed” jokes as icebreakers. By the way, ladies, you are not absolved of this responsibility! From your profile, we know you like to laugh, and we also know you love to make people laugh, so bring it–do what you love!
  6. Punctuality. I know that society tells us a lady should be fashionably late, but there’s a fine line separating longing/excitement and annoyance/disrespect. The 5-minute rule is in effect, but beyond that, send a text or make like a phone and dial! And don’t ask for a half-hour extension.
  7. Curiosity. In my unfortunate turn as a sometimes-serial dater, nothing would turn me off on a first date quite as much as someone who never asks a single question about you. Yes, we’re all waiting for our turn to speak, and yes, sometimes it’s better not to play the question game, but if you find yourself prattling on about your latest jaunt to Machu Picchu or playing up your general awesomeness (come on, guys), take a breath at some point and ask yourself if you’ve learned anything about your date. This is not a bookstore appearance!
  8. Comfortable shoes. Girls, let’s agree that we will never understand each other on this issue. Some of you will never give up on your heels, through rain, snow, and bloody injuries. Why? Let’s compromise and get you into some comfortable flats for the first encounter. If it works, I promise you can loft yourself on special occasions.
  9. An open mind. So, that starving artist who captures your imagination actually builds Lego castles out of popcorn. And the saucy burlesque performer you were having wet dreams about is more man than woman. (Okay, that last one is pretty tough to swallow.) You’re here, grab a beer, work up some cheer. So what this won’t be the “How I Met Your Mother” story you’ll change years from now to something sexier. Maybe you’ll learn something new. Maybe you’ll actually have a good time.
  10. Photos of the 4 kids you forgot to mention in your profile. This would be the time, people. On second thought, what the hell?
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